Do You?

Do you see me now
You're about all I see

Your name is never
far from my lips

I couldn't have known it
but I've been missing you all my life

how can that be
felt it when we met

puzzle pieces
milled to fit

it can't be
this easy...

Can't

cant let myself fall
not again

not this way
not this time

cant let myself fall
not now

not here
not this then or how

cant, just cant
let myself fall

for you

Like a Donkey...

You stand on your soap box
braying like a donkey

think your words are like honey to the bee
more like filth to the fly

said the man in the mirror

The one where we dance...

Dance, baby, dance
the world ended last night

this is all we have left
shake your hair, your hips - shake your ass

Dance, baby, Dance
the sky is burning above us

but as long as we keep moving
we stand one final chance

Dance, baby, Dance

The one where I wander...

I wonder
and so I wander

there's a path
out there somewhere

straight and narrow
or steep and winding

starting is the only way
to make it to the finish

and I wonder which way to go
so I wander

looking for that star to follow
maybe to see the Southern Cross

this world has many roads
I want to roam them all

taste them all
touch them all

What do you do?

What do you do
when the tears on the pillow

finally dry
and leave no trace

what do you do
when the bed is no longer empty

and the sheets
are warm in the morning

what do you do
when the quiet is shared again

and the footfalls
are familiar

what do you do
when your dreams are full

and the nights
they're long, but not so much

what do you do

In The Sharing

Is the sharing of a tear
the same as a kiss

with a touch
so enduring

souls even closer
than an embrace

and no one
will ever understand

and we can
never tell them

The Way of Evil, The Way of Light...

"When you're lovers in a dangerous time, Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime -- But nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight -- Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight" - "Lovers in a Dangerous Time", Bruce Cockburn

We've got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight.  Today that rings so true.

Why do things like what happened in Colorado last night happen?  I'll be damned if I know and I'm suspicious of anyone who claims to have an explanation.

Some will be quick to blame guns and our "gun culture".  I reject that argument out-of-hand.  Prohibition doesn't work and guns are just tools.

Is it instead a societal issue?  Our violent culture?  I don't buy that either.  We are not automatons to be programmed.

Do the horrific actions of one individual say anything about anything other than their own state of being or intentions?  I don't think it does.

So then, why do we immediately search for external sources of blame in the face of such tragedies?

Not much in the way of answers, I have just as many questions as everyone else.

Was he insane?  I'm sure his attorneys will argue as much.  After all, how could a sane man do such a thing?

We are all continually in search of meaning.

Life, death, love, hate, time, space and eternity.  What does it all, or any of it mean?

Sorry if this rambles, my thoughts are much the same way right now.  More than usual.

Anyway, back to the beginning - "kicking at the darkness", it's a poetic way to say that we cannot simply stand around with our hands in our pockets.  We must act.  Everyday.

Sorry.  Was trying for profound, got jabbering instead.

Lonesome Tonight?

are you lonesome tonight
the King wants to know

do two lonely souls
make one whole

is it like the math
from our school days

are you lonesome tonight

Peace, Love & K-Town

Wow.  Just wow.

We've been there, done that, again.  Didn't we?

It's never the same twice, it never really is.

Thanks to Beth, Tina, Jeff, Kyle, Frank and Michael for all the hours of hard work to make this thing happen.  It's amazing to think we pulled it off without "boots on the ground" until a couple of days beforehand.

From the minute that Beth and Glenn and I walked into the buffet at the Nugget, it felt like home.  We just kept adding tables and chairs, the poor server never stood a chance.  We truly are like a force of nature.

Then onto drink station number one, otherwise known as Joanne and Denise's room.  Leslie just blew me away!  She even, believe it or not, made me blush apparently.  You'll have to ask someone in attendance how that happened.  No, it was not the fabled "french fry incident" (Shut up, Jeff).

I was tickled to be able to walk through the Golden Nugget, or out on Fremont Street and just "run into" a K-Towner, felt like we owned that part of town.  It felt a little like an old K-Town weekend.

I loved being able to walk in and take over a table at the 777, in spite of Rob and I getting fussed at by the hostess.  LOL, the nerve! And JUST where is the 666 brewpub, huh?

Friday night/Saturday morning at the Aria Casino felt like a night at the Flash!  Was there really a four to one ladies to guys ratio that night?  Thanks again, Michael.

The K-Town ladies were so hot, they set off the fire alarm at the Hofbräuhaus!  What a lucky bunch we are, hey guys?  Then they all topped that by dressing up Saturday night - damn you gals looked smokin'!

It was a special treat to go with Tiff to her R.I.P.P.E.D. master class.  She seriously kicked ass, mine and everyone else's.  I continue to pay for it, but wouldn't have missed it for the world, in spite of the whining.

We followed that up with a road trip to In-and-Out Burger, a definite stop on the Western Burger Road for all the lovers of good hamburgers.  It was worth the wait and the trip. (Shut up, Jeff)

Sunday's gastronomical adventure was to the fabled Heart Attack Grill.  We all survived.

I havent seen some folks literally since I left Germany, and a couple not even a Facebook connection.  I was thrilled to see Julie and Royal and meet their spouses.  It was great to also see Royce and Jeff Crump again after all these years.  So many names and faces, too many in fact to name.  I'll leave you to fill in your own blanks.  I love you all.

And not the least of which, if I can be so bold as to call her my "date" Friday night - the legendary Keri Oaks, even if we did go "dutch".  Yeah, yeah, I'm a cheap bastard! 

Hey Lois, how was that cup?

Oh, the tales there are to tell and the adventures we had...

Drinks and meals and drinks and meals and drinks and drinks and dancing and drinks.  Some things will never, ever change thank God.

I still cannot believe it's been 30 years.  In some ways it only feels like 4.

It was 4 years ago that a small group of us got together in Vegas for the first time.  It was a very unorganized vibe and laid back, but Kyle did make sure we hit the Hofbräuhaus.

Then came Kissimmee and then San Antonio and Seattle. 2009, 10, 11 and now 12!  I'm not sure about 2013, but I'm sure something will happen somewhere.

Where ever two or more are gathered, K-Town is in the house.

But it was the small, quiet moments that I'll cherish.  They were possible, even in a loud place like Vegas.  I won't name names, you know who you are.  A few of you touched me deeply this weekend, and I'll never forget those moments.  (Shut up, Jeff)

Tina's pinches don't qualify.  Plus, she's rarely small and/or quiet... Love that lady.

Say it with me, (Shut up, Jeff).

Song to Sing

I'm looking for a song to sing
she'll make me whisper, make me roar

one that will suck the wind
from my lungs, breathe life in to me

bounce my step and lengthen my stride

I can feel her wind my hair
her sun on my face

and there's a fluttering...

Time to go.

Do we travel on a fixed path? Is our course set by forces beyond our ken? Are things predestined? I sure as hell hope not.

Is free will a myth, a lie, a cruel hoax? Is our ability to make choices an illusion? Is there some external force, whether spiritual or mechanistic, pulling our strings?

I choose to believe and attempt to live as if I am the captain of my own fate. Surely we are buffeted by forces beyond our influence, we rationally know this to be true. Much like a sailing ship, we can battle or harness the wind. Sometimes we simply have to hold on for dear life, but even then, the storm passes. Occasionally, our asses get tossed in the drink. How long can you tread water?

Well, I'm done treading water. How about you?

I'm ready to set out on my path. Destination unknown perhaps, but off I go.

JRR Tolkien said that all who wander are not lost. Hell, I'm looking to get good and lost. Therein lies the grand adventure.

And if some force has me on a leash, I say better keep a good strong grip.

Thoughts on Myth

Myth and myths have always fascinated me. Religions of civilizations no longer around to defend themselves become relegated to myth status. So many common elements in many of these myths.

It's always made me wonder. We all create our own myths too, if you think about it.

Myths about who we are, about what we've done, about where we've been. Mostly, I think, we keep these myths to ourselves. They are the fuel of our hearts, souls and imaginations. They are the story we tell ourselves about ourselves.

Even our memories can take the form of myths. Especially shared memories.

We'll tell each other tales of shared memories. Sometimes there's even more truth in them than not. It matters not.

The truth is not in the telling, but in the myth. The shared myths, they give us a bond.

 ~ to be continued, maybe ~

Don't look back, you can never look back...

Wow. Just, wow! What a summer, and now it draws to an end... I knew going in that it would be a big one. I had no idea.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat..."

As the melancholy tries to get a toehold, I am filled with regret. Regret that we are all so scattered to the four corners of the globe. Regret that time is always so fleeting. Regret that we only had a weekend to recapture the spirit of so many years ago.

On the other hand, damn if we didn't do it!

The Reunion in Kissimmee really was a special time. I had no idea how special it would be. Did you? It went by so fast and there were too many connections and re-connections to make for only just a weekend.

Five minutes talking to Anita in line for dinner Friday night seems whoa-fully inadequate. A quick chat with Jenelle Saturday night - Sunday morning is a travesty.  Only seeing Kimmie and Troy in passing the whole weekend was a bummer. Bubba was a revelation! The after party at Jeff's was a joy. A post reunion beer with Stefan and Mike in DC, a revelation.

Forgive my ramblings but the whole experience touched me. It touched me when Jeannie called out to me for a slow dance. It touched me when I heard my name called out from across the room, bar, poolside by people I hadn't seen in nearly 30 years. It touched me when the "Vegas Posse" assembled for a class picture. It touched me when Denise repeatedly wouldn't let me sit out a song early that Sunday morning..."what do you mean, get up?". It touches me when I think it could all just fade away in the haze of memory.

So, in spite of what Mr Henley says, we can look back! We did look back and saw the way to the future. Colorado in December, San Antonio and Seattle in 2011 and who knows what in 2012 and 2013!

Well this was supposed to be about the joys of Summer and the anticipation of Fall, but it kind of got away from me...

So I say to you all Prost and reProst! We will all reunion again, for where ever two or more are gathered - K-Town Lives!

P.S. Thanks to Buddy and Conny for all their work.

Originally posted on Facebook August 2010

Summertime Blues...

I have a certain melancholy about Summer as an adult. Just as a Friday brings awareness of the next Monday, the start of Summer leads down the path to Autumn. Death, decay and darkness.

I'm quite the buzz-kill, I know. I can't help myself.

Maybe I romanticize Summer too much.

Growing up in an age of childhood freedom, inspired by the books of Mark Twain, I see summer in the hazy gauze of my memories. Oh how I miss those carefree adventures. Riding, running, swimming, playing ball, tag and cowboys and Indians. Cruising the roadsides and ditches for glass bottles to turn in at the local gas station for the nickel deposit to fund our snack habits. Riding to the pool and spending all day taking advantage of the summer pass that Dad bought. Building forts in the carcasses of trees knocked down by the latest storm. Building bike ramps from which we launched ourselves skyward. Trekking into the woods to that secret spot beside the stream from which we dug for crawdads, caught tadpoles and threw rocks at the water bugs. Chasing each other around the neighborhood with water guns and balloons. Slaking our thirst from any random garden hose, and then turning it on each other.

These days we dare not let our kids out of our sight. More for fear of being accused of being a bad parent than any real risk to our children, I suspect.

Now, all grown up, we drag ourselves from air-conditioned house to air-conditioned car to air-conditioned office. If we're lucky we have a seat near a window in some ghastly glass and steel beast with windows that don't open.

If we do venture outside we're nagged and warned into a state of near panic about SPF's, ticks and mosquitoes. Hell, maybe they'd be happier if we just stayed inside!

So cherish the long lazy days of Summer, there are only about 90 of them.


Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. - Mark Twain

Originally posted on Facebook Memorial Day 2010